The (Often Minimized) Weight Father’s Carry

Last month I focused on the unseen weight that mom’s carry and it felt suiting to follow that up with a look at what a fathers experience can be like. When we think about mental health, we often think about the challenges mothers face, or even the struggles of children. However, one of the most under-discussed areas of mental health is that of fathers. There tends to be an unspoken burden on dads to be strong; to be providers and protectors. But what happens when dad isn’t okay?

Fathers, like anyone else, experience mental health struggles.Yet, the emotional toll fatherhood can take is often left unrecognized and undiscussed. I would like to explore the reality of mental health challenges faced by fathers, the societal pressures they endure, and the importance of creating space for dads to seek help and care for themselves.

The Silent Epidemic: Mental Health Challenges in Fathers

Research shows that fathers are more likely to suffer from mental health issues than they let on or that we often pay attention to. According to a study from the American Psychological Association, about 10-15% experience postpartum depression following the birth of a child. Postpartum depression in fathers often goes unnoticed because it manifests differently in men. While mothers may express sadness, guilt, or anxiety, fathers may display irritability, anger, or withdrawal—and these symptoms can be easily dismissed, misinterpreted and/or villainized .

Additionally, fathers are less likely to seek professional help compared to mothers. The combination of societal pressure, fear of judgment, and the belief that they must be self-reliant keeps many dads from seeking the help they need. This can lead to an ongoing cycle of untreated mental health issues, which can ultimately affect their relationships, careers, and overall quality of life.

The Hidden Struggles of Fatherhood

Similar to the transition a mother undergoes when having a child, fathers also experience a dramatic and often overwhelming change during the transition to becoming a father. Sleepless nights, financial pressures, and the constant balancing act of work and family can take a significant toll on both physical and mental well-being. Fathers are often expected to carry these burdens with grace and resilience. Unfortunately, this leaves many dads feeling isolated in their struggles, believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

1. The Pressure to Be “The Provider”

For many men, the pressure to provide for their families can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of inadequacy. When a dad feels like he's falling short in his financial responsibilities or career aspirations, it can have a ripple effect on his mental health.

2. The Weight of Emotional Labor

Though there is growing recognition of the need for fathers to be more involved in child-rearing, emotional labor is still largely a job that defaults to moms. As a result, fathers often find themselves emotionally disconnected from their families, unable to share their own mental health struggles with their partners. The absence of an emotional support system can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

3. Societal Expectations

In many cultures, men are conditioned to suppress emotions and “tough it out.” The stereotype of the stoic, emotionally detached father can be damaging, as it discourages men from expressing vulnerability or seeking help when they’re struggling. This can lead to an internalized sense of failure when fathers experience emotions like sadness, anxiety, or frustration.

Breaking the Stigma: Creating a Space for Dads to Heal

The first step toward improving mental health for fathers is breaking the silence surrounding it. Fathers need to feel that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s important to normalize and invite conversations about mental health in fatherhood, where dads feel encouraged to express their feelings and seek support without fear of judgment. Here are some steps to help break the stigma:

1. Encourage Open Conversations

Fathers need to be able to talk about their mental health in a safe space that feels free of judgment. This can be with a partner, a friend, or a therapist. It’s crucial for dads to know that it’s okay to ask for help when they need it, and that they are not alone in their struggles. Partners can play a significant role in initiating these conversations, and providing reassurance that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.

2. Redefine Masculinity

Changing the narrative around masculinity is key to encouraging dads to prioritize their mental health. Being a "man" doesn't mean being stoic, emotionally unavailable, or suppressing feelings. Fathers should feel empowered to express their emotions, seek therapy, or take mental health days without fear of being judged.

3. Support Networks and Therapy

One of the most effective ways to address mental health issues in fathers is through therapy. Many men hesitate to seek help because of the stigma, but therapy offers a confidential space where dads can process their emotions without fear of judgment. Support groups tailored to fathers, whether in-person or online, can also provide a sense of community and understanding. Men being able to connect with other men with similar experiences and openness can be transformative.

Conclusion: Mental Health Matters for Dads

Fathers are pillars in families, but they too need care and support to maintain their mental health. It’s okay for dads to admit that it’s not always easy. When we take care of dads, we create a healthier, more resilient family unit. It’s time to acknowledge that mental health matters for fathers too. By starting the conversation, we can create a world where dads don’t have to silently suffer in isolation, but instead have the space and support to be the best versions of themselves—both for their families and for themselves.